Thursday, May 3, 2012

Things I'm afraid to tell you.

(Just fluff, please)

I do not have, today,
sparkling stories or warm memories,
or glossed-up descriptions of grief.
And I thought, today, I'd be brave.

Write of that that isn't beautiful,
isn't perfect.

Fingers quiver. Type. 

Delete. In the silence,
that fan beats out its relentless rhythm:
it's hot, it's hot, it's hot...

One day, love, I will not be afraid
of judgement and rejection.
I will be brave enough 
to write of the things I'm afraid to tell you.


  1. Welcome, Nitika! You capture the feeling of perfectionism well (and with that very effective, miserably hot weather in S4, too). The most important part of being a writer is shutting up all the nervous voices in your head long enough to write. You've done it today, and that deserves a toast of some kind. (I'd post a picture of a pretty drink in the comments, but Blogger doesn't allow it.)

  2. Happy to fluff, you deserve it. Writing gives me the sweats too. This poem was worth it, though.

  3. Nitika,
    The first strophe sums up your NaPo before last -- very strong, family portraits, memories, grieving your father...
    Addressing a lover is different, and would make people afraid, especially if what you want to say is not
    perhaps what is expected. Brave to admit fear, and the fan sets the scene beautifully -- takes me straight to a much warmer country than here, one with ceiling fans. Exactly what I need on a rainy cold day in Oslo.
    I am so glad you are playing, really missed you this NaPo!
    And we can be scared of critting together :-0


  4. Rachael, thank you for the cheerful welcome. It was mind-numbingly hot, that night, and I'm glad you think it's effective.

    "The most important part of being a writer is shutting up all the nervous voices in your head long enough to write." -- Mm. And then to post. And Yay! for pretty drinks.

    Arlene, I'm pleased you think it's worth it.

    Sorella, Thank you, for your ever-warm and cheerful comments. Ah, what wouldn't I do for a rainy day here! I'd attempted about 4-5 different ideas (most of them around the family memories theme), but none of them were working, and at one point, all I'd wanted to write was that it was awfully hot. I'm just relieved that it worked as a part of this one.

    Thanks for getting me here, and yes, I'm glad too, that I have company, in the scared of critting and being crit(?) :)