The week Barbara Jordan dies, January 18, 1996,
the universe brightens in apparent magnitudes of eloquence:
the Hubble sights 40-billion more galaxies,
scholars agree a 1612 elegy is Shakespeare's,
and Cupid, lost in the shadows of a Fifth Avenue rotunda,
is rediscovered: "Good light made all the difference."
Also that week Rushdie emerges from fatwa solitude
to read at the New York City Public Library,
where, among the literati, a certain film star sits in perfect view:
An almost cinematographic silver light graces the ballroom.
It's been a tragic, magnificent week. I want to stare
but a glance as I bask in Rushdie's prose will have to do.
Arlene,
ReplyDeleteI don't have to crit, do I :-0
Will try: Do you need apparent in line 2? It reads a bit clunky.
Phew, that's over with.
I love how lightly you place N in this elegant presentation of Momentous bitter-sweet highlights -- from a week before a week I remember very well -- cuz next week I go to the United States for the very first time! Mostly I recall the twist-off caps on beer bottles that looked as if you had to use a regular opener, and the huuuge portions of deep-pan pizza and key lime pie. Plus extremely weak coffee! Good times.
Sorella
Hi Arlene,
ReplyDeleteYour list has numerous inherently interesting items, but could do with some fat-trimming. If you use "January 18, 1996", you won't have to bury your lede; you can start right off with "Barbara Jordan is dead". I don't think you need the commentary of L2 or the final strophe. The list items are livelier than the author's general musings on them.
Thanks...thinking.
ReplyDeleteHi Arlene,
ReplyDeleteVery nicely done. I think a little trimming will strengthen this piece. Your list works very well (makes me jealous, mine usually don't work). Not sure L2 is necessary, it reads better to me going directly to the list. I also think that cutting the final two lines will leave a little more to the reader.
Consider using January 18, 1996 as the title and staring the poem with Barbara Jordan is dead.
I've rewritten it, temporarily, using everyone's suggestions. Thanks, all.
ReplyDeleteAlso That Week
Barbara Jordan dies January 1996:
the Hubble sights 40-billion more galaxies,
scholars agree a 1612 elegy is Shakespeare's,
and Cupid, lost in the shadows of a Fifth Avenue rotunda,
is rediscovered: "Good light made all the difference."
Also that week Rushdie emerges from fatwa solitude
to read at the New York City Public Library,
where, among the literati, a certain film star
sits in perfect view:
An almost cinematographic silver light graces the ballroom.
Good lord, I appear not to have the "use"/"use as a title" distinction. Sorry for that. The trimming has improved it; nicely done.
ReplyDelete